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02 February 2013 @ 10:22 am
Mission: Success!  

Surgery's all done with and everything went splendidly!

Even though I'm sure most of you have been through surgery, in-patient or out, or at least are relatively familiar with hospitals and how they work, I am going to type up my experiences yesterday ANYWAY, because I FEEL LIKE IT, so THERE.

So the night before I had a terrible headache and (a) took some ibuprofen even though the nurse on the phone the day before SPECIFICALLY told me not to, and (b) forgot to set my alarm clock.  It was also super-cold that night, so I let my cats sleep in bed with me - normally they get put into the basement, because otherwise at around 3am they start going "Mom?  Mom, are you okay?  Are you awake, Mom?  Do you want to play?  Do you want to pet me?  PET MY HEAD, PET IT, MOM.  Hey, do you want to feed me?  Let's go, let's go feed me!  Yay!  Oh jk I already had food in my bowl FILL IT UP COMPLETELY I MIGHT STARVE.  Mom?  Why are you upset, Mom?"  But maybe they realized what a special treat they were getting last night because they never woke me up.  I did, of course, wake up pressed up against the wall, one leg hanging off the bed, with one cat attached lamprey-like to the small of my back, the other stretched out Superman-style across the rest of the expanse of my queen-sized bed.  Not terribly conducive to a good night's sleep.

So I woke up six whole minutes before my mom was scheduled to pick me up and drive me to the surgery center.  Thankfully, I had got everything ready the night before, so she only had to wait on my dumb and slow ass for like five minutes.

On the drive, I actually opened my mouth to ask my mom if we had time to stop at like a McDonald's and get something to eat before I remembered that I also wasn't supposed to eat or drink past midnight.  Because surgery is like Gremlins, I guess. 

Once there, I did a little bit of paperwork, and then they promptly took me back to the prep place.  Got undressed, on the bed, and then the nurse put the IV in.  Nurses always have a hell of a time getting a needle into my veins.  When I had some blood drawn last week, the nurse had to stick me like in the middle of my forearm instead of the crook of my elbow; it was weird.  Anyway, yesterday she finally got me, like, a quarter-inch below one of my knuckles in the top of my hand.  It hurt more than usual.  She was like, oh, it's probably resting against a nerve ending, do you want to move it?  Since it had taken her like five whole minutes to get it in in the first place, I was like, um, NO.  So she taped the son of a bitch down with approximately a dozen pieces of tape.  But it still just felt like a constant pain, like that moment when they first stick the needle in, just that, not ending.  At one point I shifted and the tube caught on my gown and the constant pain of 2/10 shot up to 4/10 and I let one little sad tear of sadness escape.  The nurse saw me and was like, "Are you crying because of the IV?" in such a tone that told me she thought it was remarkably stupid to cry over an IV.  I was like, "No!  Just glad this will all be over soon!"

(I was crying because of the IV.)

My mom came back, and we sat and talked for forever because the doctor was running late.  I had to pee again, because nothing is ever easy, so the nurse had to carry my IV bag and walk me to the restroom and I felt stupid.  (It didn't help that she acted like this was OMG SUCH AN IMPOSITION.  Like sorry I have to pee every hour no matter whether or not I've had anything to drink.)

And then the doctor came!  And we talked!  And the anesthesiologist came!  And we talked!  And the surgery nurses came!  And we talked!  And finally they shot the anesthetic into my IV, told me it would just be a minute or two before it kicked in, and wheeled me off.

Now, the following, my brain processed LIKE A MEMORY OF A REAL, FACTUAL EVENT: I was wheeled out of the prep rooms, down a hallway, around a corner, through a door, and into the surgery room.

After that, my brain processed this LIKE A MEMORY OF A DREAM: They pushed my bed against the other bed, lowered the railing, had me slide over to the other bed.

I remember nothing after that.  Not getting the lovely warm blanket, not having them get me situated, not getting the oxygen mask thingy.  Nothing.

I woke up in recovery, and my first question was: "Is it over?"  (It's over, the nurse said.)

My second question was, "The nurses put the beds together.  Was that a dream?"  (No, dear, the nurse said.)

My third question was, "Is it over?"  (Yes, dear, the nurse said.)

For the next five minutes, it was a struggle between two parts of my brain.  One was the drugged-brain, which understood little, and insisted that if I didn't remember it, then it obviously didn't happen, and it needed to keep asking questions to figure out the reality of the situation.  My logical-brain, which was struggling to come to life like a steam engine picking up speed, recognized that these were dumb questions, and kept trying to shut them down, but wasn't powerful enough yet to veto.  So I knew the answers before I asked, but couldn't keep from asking.

"Did the doctor get everything?"  (Yes, she got everything.)  "Is this the room where I started?"  (No, this is recovery.)  "Can I get dressed now?"  (You can get dressed in about ten minutes.)  "Do you want the socks you gave me back?"  (No, dear, you can keep the socks.)  "Can I eat today?"  (You can eat today, when you're hungry.  Nothing spicy.)  "I didn't throw up, did I?"  (No.)  And then, my favorite - I dozed off a little, then snapped back.  "Am I in the car?"  (No, sweetheart, you're not in the car.  You're still in recovery.)

Then Mom came back, we talked, everyone left, I got dressed (it was really hard), and the nurse walked me out to the car.  We drove home, and I promptly got into bed.  A cat attached himself, his little head up on the pillow next to mine.  After a 90-minute nap, I got up with a headache.  My mom had picked up my prescription for ~*~pain pills~*~ and I took one.  By this point, my mom had left and my sister was there.  She pointed at me, accusatory.  YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.  I ate a roll.  YOU CAN'T GO BACK TO SLEEP ONE OF THE SIDE EFFECTS IS STROKE.  We watched two episodes of Parks and Rec.

~~~Time for another nap.~~~

My Gamps came over, and we had soup for dinner.  We played a board game, and by the end I couldn't keep my eyes open.


After doing this and that on my computer the rest of the evening, I went to bed early and slept for 10 straight hours.  Feel great today!  Hopefully everything is easy peasy after this.  I certainly hope so.

Icepixie: [B5] Londo makes confettiicepixie on February 2nd, 2013 04:47 pm (UTC)
Yay for surgery going well! What were you getting surgeryed?

Your recovery process was much more entertaining than mine the one time I had surgery. I woke up and promptly burst into tears for like twenty minutes, for no reason that I could discern. I couldn't stop myself. The nurse was just like, "Yeah, some people get like that after anesthesia. Here's a tissue." It was weird, man.
Shannon: b5 londo dkungfuwaynewho on February 2nd, 2013 04:53 pm (UTC)
I had a D and C. Ugh.

Aw, that must have been something. I tend towards crying as the default expression for a lot of different emotions, so I'm actually surprised I didn't cry more yesterday. (I totally also cried when the doctor talked to me before hand.)
Alyalygator on February 2nd, 2013 04:56 pm (UTC)
Best surgery story ever. What did you have surgery for? I'm glad it went well.

I had 3 different surgeries in a 3 year span. It was weird. The last one was a year and a half ago and when I got home in that anesthesia/morphine haze high I managed to put back in my earring in my tragus. I have no idea how because cannot do this normally. But obvs drugs make it easy.

The surgery I had about 2 years ago I had a week after I got an industrial...idk why I thought getting a piercing a week before surgery was a good idea but... I took it out at the hospital and I put it back in in recovery but I remember I had to like shove it through...I don't remember it hurting but I'm sure it did.
Shannon: cate nosekungfuwaynewho on February 3rd, 2013 10:37 pm (UTC)
I had a D and C - necessary, but ugh. Would have rather not.

I love that you just had to get that piercing back in while you were in recovery! We're not at our most logical then, are we?
jacquelee: Christmas kitten and tinseljacquelee on February 2nd, 2013 05:22 pm (UTC)
LMAO! Literally. This is too funny. :D

Having had about 15 surgeries in my life already, I'm certainly with you and most of these things sounded very familiar. :D Especially the bathroom thing, I have to pee all the time and it's always so inconvenient before or after a surgery (especially when you can't get up at all) and the nurses being all patronizing.

And now I feel all weird because I didn't have a surgery in three and a half years and this story made me kinda miss it. LOL
Shannon: catskungfuwaynewho on February 3rd, 2013 10:38 pm (UTC)
15 surgeries! Wow! I'm at three and that seems plenty.

I don't know if it's exactly the same, but I missed flying when I hadn't flown in a long time. Then when I did, sitting in the airport, waiting forever, going through security and all that, I was like, wait, why did I miss this?
enigmaticbluesenigmaticblues on February 2nd, 2013 06:33 pm (UTC)
Heh. That's how my mom was after her surgery but for at least a day, and maybe more, because they got the dosages wrong on her pain meds. She literally could not remember the answer to a question for more than a minute, if that, for more than a day.

I'm glad everything went okay!
Shannon: firefly paranoidkungfuwaynewho on February 3rd, 2013 10:38 pm (UTC)
My sister claims I asked the same question before and after a nap, but I don't know if I believe her...
Ms Dref: House - Sick!Jack looking angrydref22 on February 2nd, 2013 10:14 pm (UTC)
Yay surgery! :D Errrr, I mean yay for surgery being over! XD

Because surgery is like Gremlins, I guess.

Hahahaha exactly! :D :D :D
Shannon: heroes hrgkungfuwaynewho on February 3rd, 2013 10:39 pm (UTC)
Hee! Yes, very glad it's over.
nhpw: zoya grinnhpw on February 2nd, 2013 10:47 pm (UTC)
Yay! I'm so glad it went well, and sincerely hope it straightens everything out for you.

I am also jealous that they didn't make you wait around at the hospital until you ate something and drank something and proved you could pee without dying.

(But mostly I'm just glad for you that it went well and that you're home and feeling OK!)
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on February 3rd, 2013 10:40 pm (UTC)
That's so weird, that you had to stay in recovery and eat and drink! I've never had to do that. I wonder if that's depending on the hospital or the state or what.
Wine gums, envy, pieces of rainbow: Cillian <3qwentoozla on February 3rd, 2013 12:21 am (UTC)
I'm glad your surgery went well! Your recovery story was quite entertaining. I hope this improves things! :)
Shannon: farscape aerynkungfuwaynewho on February 3rd, 2013 10:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I figure things can't get any worse (knock on wood), so I should be good to go.

Jeez, Cillian is pretty in that icon.
mac_beth13: Delenn1mac_beth13 on February 3rd, 2013 10:43 am (UTC)
Glad the surgery went well, hopefully it fixes everything!

I remember telling the Doc that his big light above the surgery table looked like the kind they have on UFO's just before I went under. :P I didn't ask too many questions when I woke up in recovery but I did wake up sooner than expected and never fell back asleep which shocked the nurse who wanted to just read her book. I do remember having to eat a muffin and drink some OJ and then had to pass the 'can-you-pee-without-dying' test nhpw mentioned. Turned so pale while getting dressed that the nurse was scared, it was kinda funny 'til she made me lay back down for a few minutes.
Shannon: b5 delenn robe smileskungfuwaynewho on February 3rd, 2013 10:41 pm (UTC)
Haha, that's cute - the UFO thing. I wasn't conscious enough to really even remember what the room looked like, to be honest. Yeah, no food or drink at all. And the nurse didn't watch me get dressed (thankfully, ha). So strange how different the recovery room can be for different people.
cath822cath822 on February 3rd, 2013 04:45 pm (UTC)
An IV in the hand? Ugh.

Ha, leave it to you to make surgery funny. I didn't know you were going in, but I'm glad it went well!

Edited at 2013-02-03 04:47 pm (UTC)
Shannon: laundry machinekungfuwaynewho on February 3rd, 2013 10:43 pm (UTC)
Yeah, in the top of the hand. But not in the middle, where it would usually go - way up right under one of the knuckles. It's still kinda sore. Weird.

Oops, yeah, my previous talking-about-medical-stuff post was locked. And it was sort of short notice - I just scheduled it earlier in the week. Ah well, all done with now!
vjs2259: ghibli_totoro_acornsvjs2259 on February 5th, 2013 05:20 pm (UTC)
oopsie missed this post while traveling! Glad it all went well.
nenya_kanadka on February 10th, 2013 03:00 pm (UTC)
Good to hear it went well! And you tell a great story (which I should expect, given your fic, eh).

Have never had surgery or general anaesthetic, but the stop-and-wait, talk to people, wait some more, stick things in/on you, wait some more! nature of hospitals definitely sounds familiar. As does all the sleepiness. Hope your bod takes well to this treatment. <3

lytab5lytab5 on March 7th, 2013 04:32 pm (UTC)
Glad your surgery went well! *hugs*
Are you feeling all better by now?

(Apologies for the late comment. This is how I am now, it seems. *sadpanda*)
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on March 7th, 2013 04:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks! And yes, my period FINALLY stopped less than a week ago. So yeah, it's been a super duper blast of fun these past, God, four months.

No apologies! I've been behind on my flist and LJ, too. I mean to get caught up every day, but just never seem to have the time anymore.
lytab5lytab5 on March 9th, 2013 12:13 pm (UTC)
Oh man, that does sound like super fun times! Glad it's finally stopped! And I hope you'll continue to get better.

Martinela_loony on March 11th, 2013 11:17 pm (UTC)
Oh god I completely missed this post!

Very late but glad everything went well!