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02 September 2010 @ 03:00 pm
Please wait to smite me till after I finish my latté.  
It's September.  You know what that means: pumpkin spice latté at Starbucks.

Or, to be more precise, I should really write it the way I ordered it today: punkin spize lot-TAAAAAAAAAY!

Speaking of Starbucks - awkward.  I'm up there with my laptop, happily typing away at some porn, when two guys come in and sit in front of me.  No big, they can't see my screen.  And then they spend the next hour planning this month's Men's Bible Studies for their church.  They're talking about the Gospel of Mark, I'm writing about nipples.  I kept waiting for The God In Whom I Do Not Believe to smite me right then and there.  And then my tombstone would say: she died as she lived - writing about fictional TV characters having sex.

Title: The Importance of Being Precise
Specs: Babylon 5, John/Delenn, 1300 words
Rating: R for sexytimes

It had actually taken him awhile to realize their sex life was missing a certain something.  The Shan'fal had been too weird an experience.  The few times they had together after that had been rushed, frantic.  After resolving the problems with Earth and forming the Alliance, he spent half the nights with her on one of her damned tilted beds, and it was all he could do to keep on them while lying perfectly still, let alone while having sex.  Most of the time lately it seemed he was tired all the time, too tired to worry too much about his technique.  So it was that it took nearly a month of marriage before Sheridan realized he'd never gone down on his wife, and she certainly had never returned the favor.

He only realized it the third time she grabbed on to his head and dragged him back up one night, away from where he really wanted to be.  "Delenn.  Stop it."  He worked his way back to her belly, and she made a frustrated sound in the back of her throat, hips moving restlessly beneath his chest.

"I want you inside me," she sighed. 

"I'm getting to it."

"Not with your head all the way down there."

"It doesn't always have to be my cock inside you."

"What else are you proposing?"  In response, he swirled his tongue down into her navel.  She gasped in a way he hadn't heard since the Shan'fal, when he had first taken one of her perfect nipples into his mouth.  Sheridan moved his tongue in and out of her belly button a few more times, one of his hands straying down to part her legs, when she jerked away from him, smacking his hand away.

"No," she said, in that voice that carried with it the deadly tone of finality he had heard so many times in Council meetings.

"Why not?"  He looked up at her in surprise as she sat up against the headboard, knees drawn up to her chest.  He'd seen that look on her face before - on the viewscreen in C and C, when she had ridden to the station's defense with White Star One, God rest its soul, and four Minbari cruisers.  He waited, but that look was apparently the only answer he was going to get.

"Delenn," he whined, drawing out the last syllable of her name.  Sometimes that worked, but not tonight, it looked like; not while he was cowering in the shadow of that magnificent glare.  "I just want to eat you out."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do, you pretty little liar."  Now he was in dangerous territory.  She looked so small, legs curled up against her chest, arms around her knees; all slender white limbs and soft gray eyes.  But this was the woman who had broken the Grey Council with nothing more than force of will, and here he was, calling her a liar - a pretty serious charge to level at a Minbari.  "I found your computer file.  The one you opened up in April of 2259.  When would that have been?  Right around our first dinner date?"

Delenn turned to look away from him, at the wall, and he could see her working very hard to keep her face impassive, but there was a tiny twitch at the corner of her mouth.  Sheridan crawled up the bed toward her, feeling predatory.

"You did all kinds of very interesting research.  It kind of reminded me of a computer file I put together when I was fifteen years old."  Now she was definitely struggling to keep the smile off her face.  Sheridan slowly slid one hand along the sheets, toward the lovely place now blocked by her crossed ankles.  "We've already done quite a few of the things that were in that file, but there is one very, very big thing that we haven't.  One very big thing that is definitely in your little file.  So I know that you do, in fact, know exactly what I mean."  He thought that he was about to achieve glorious success, but just before his hand reached its target, she slid her ankles back securely and turned back to face him, head tilted imperiously.

"I have never heard that phrase before.  It sounds cannibalistic."

"Okay, how 'bout this one?  I want to go down on you."

"That sounds absurd."

"I want to fuck you with my mouth."

"That sounds anatomically impossible."

"Delenn, goddamn it!"

"I am not going to do something that sounds nonsensical.  You will simply have to find a way to make it sound like an attractive use of my time.  I'm very busy, John Sheridan, as are you.  We should use our time wisely."

He rested his head against her hip, drew his finger up and down the back of her thigh.  He wanted to taste her so badly he could hardly see straight.  "There's a Latin word for it.  I don't know what it is, but it's very fancy."

"I have read that word.  It sounds like a gokk screaming in heat."

"Oral sex.  I want to...oral sex you."

"That is not correct grammar."

"I want to..."  Now he had to think; what other euphemisms were there?  But Delenn wasn't hugely fond of euphemisms.  She liked to clarify them and other idioms, jokes and bits of silliness in very technical terms.  She wanted to know exactly what she was saying, and what was being said to her.  "I want to use my tongue to stimulate your clitoris, and to simulate the movements of my penis when we copulate."  A long beat, and Sheridan held his breath.

Delenn uncrossed her ankles.

Sheridan hopped up, on his knees in front of her, grabbing a pillow to stuff under her hips.  He knew he was grinning like an idiot when he saw her smile back at him.  "Oh, Delenn.  Delenn, I love you.  You have no idea.  The things I'm going to do to you.  I am going to make you see stars.  I am going to make you come so hard you black out."  She was laughing softly, but he also saw the tell-tale rosy blush spread over her chest that told him she was becoming very aroused; she'd never admit it, but he knew she loved it when he talked dirty to her.  "They're going to come looking for me, and you'll just have to tell them that I'm too busy giving you head.  Tell them to write me at John Sheridan, care of Delenn's sweet, wonderful, delicious, perfect pussy."

"John!" she cried out, laughing, the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.  Then he had her right where he wanted her, and fell upon her like a starving man at a feast.  Her laughter died away, replaced by moans and cries louder and more intense than any he'd ever heard from her.  She twined her fingers through his hair, holding him securely down.  "Oh, John.  I've wanted you to do this to me for the longest time."

What had she just said?  He pulled his head away, looked up her body, writhing against the sheets.  "What did you just say?"

"Sometimes I would watch the adult channel on the Babcom, feeling very improper, and imagine you doing those things to me.  Especially this."

"Then why..."

She whimpered, trying to push his head back down.  "I've told you before.  You're a problem solver.  You like to win."  He licked her once, watching as she threw her head back, exposing her throat.  "John..." she called out, voice tight.

"You're the most perfect woman in the entire universe.  You know that, right?"

"Yes, yes.  Eat me, head me, whatever you call it, please, John." 

So he did. 
Tags: , ,
(Deleted comment)
Shannon: b5 john smileskungfuwaynewho on September 2nd, 2010 09:22 pm (UTC)
I am convinced, even if I allow every other similar instance on her part to be genuine, that she knew exactly what she was doing with the "butt/but" misunderstanding. Delenn conjugating "to butt" is the moment I fell in love with her.
nhpw: sdalmostkissnhpw on September 2nd, 2010 11:58 pm (UTC)
Speaking of butting.

Agreed :)
startuffloverstartufflover on September 6th, 2010 06:14 pm (UTC)
Tell me about it...
mac_beth13mac_beth13 on September 2nd, 2010 08:47 pm (UTC)
They're so Dirrty and I kinda like it! :P I admit to giggling at a few lines, simply for the fact of 'hearing' John and Delenn say those naughty words.
I laughed in empathy of similar encounters like your Starbucks incident. Thanks for writing enjoyable smut in spite of the obstacles. ;)
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on September 2nd, 2010 09:22 pm (UTC)
Hee, thanks!
xphilehbxphilehb on September 2nd, 2010 09:09 pm (UTC)
Ha! Well, I am routinely one meeting someone at a coffee shop to prepare for bible study. Coffee shops are great for that kind of thing. But then again, I obviously have no problem reading porn. So, I'm not sure what that says about me. ;)

This was great. I love the idea that Delenn did research. And also that she let John think he was winning. LOL.
Shannon: b5 almost kisskungfuwaynewho on September 2nd, 2010 09:25 pm (UTC)
Heck, back when I used to do bible study myself, I was reading porn, too. Ain't nothing wrong with porn!

It was one of those things where even though I knew they had no idea what I was writing, I knew, and more importantly, God knew.

I realize now this is the second fic - and it's not like I've written that many - that focuses on John trying to get something sexual out of Delenn, her being a stick in the mud about it, just long enough to let him think he "won." Huh. Apparently, that is how I see their married sexual life beginning.
nhpw: sdalmostkissnhpw on September 3rd, 2010 01:02 am (UTC)

Also I love when Delenn is all sly like this. It's adorable.

And I love that you wrote this at Starbucks, and thank you for reminding me re: Pumpkin Spice Latte. Also YAY!
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on September 3rd, 2010 01:25 am (UTC)
Well, I was going to write it at home, and then I remembered GLORIOUS PUMPKIN SPICE, but I don't allow myself to leave the house and buy food unless I get some work done, so...

I don't think this is exactly what we were talking about re: introduction to oral sex, but this is how it turned out.
nhpwnhpw on September 3rd, 2010 01:34 am (UTC)
Dude, it's wonderful! I knows how it is. Sometimes you follow the plot bunny and you think he's a-gonna run one way, but he totally surprises you and changes course and you just have to go with it.

And then sometimes, you know, he disappears down the rabbit hole and it's a real rabbit hole and not an Alice-in-Wonderland-type rabbit hole, and there is no little bottle that says "drink me" so you can't follow and then you're like... "Crap."

Forgive me. I think I'm not quite myself today. You followed that though, right? Sort of?
Shannon: b5 delenn robe smileskungfuwaynewho on September 3rd, 2010 01:51 am (UTC)
What's more, it gave me two other plot bunnies: Delenn researching human sexuality, and Delenn watching the adult channel. And somehow, Sheridan finds out! S2 wacky sexytimes! I'll make it happen.

After I finish the next stupid fucking chapter of Metamorphoses, which I am painfully working on single words at a time. It's KILLING ME, SMALLS.

nhpw: sdalmostkissnhpw on September 3rd, 2010 02:09 am (UTC)
I thought maybe you'd given up on that one. I was just thinking about it yesterday, actually. I was thinking about The Bloody Ones and how it came out all nice, and I was like, "I wonder what her deal is with her other big story?"

This was yesterday, when I was more sane.

I smelled a plot bunny in the "Delenn slings Sheridan over her shoulder" discussion. It's an utterly ridiculous plot bunny, but it makes me giggle like a girl.
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on September 3rd, 2010 02:16 am (UTC)
Well, I got sidetracked with the "what if Sheridan stayed the night after their date?" plot bunny and wrote four stories, and then I wrote my big ol' horror thingy for love month, and assorted silly things in between. Now that I'm done with TBO, I can get back to the other.

It's just a tough chapter, and I've kind of written myself into a corner, and there's this framing device thing and I don't know if I like it. And I've discovered it is tons easier to write Sheridan POV versus Delenn POV. Anyhoo.

Heh, I was wondering what you meant by a plot bunny in that comment thread. It could be one of those Five Times stories. You know. "Five Times Delenn Could Have Just Picked Sheridan Up and Hauled His Ass Somewhere But Didn't."
nhpwnhpw on September 3rd, 2010 02:20 am (UTC)
And I've discovered it is tons easier to write Sheridan POV versus Delenn POV.

I am so glad to not be the only one who has this problem. I can't tell you how many times I've had little conversations with myself that are like this: "OK, Self. THIS STORY IS GOING TO BE FROM DELENN'S POV. Should be easy. She's a girl. You're a girl. Just go with it." And every time, fail. Either the story stalls out, or it ends up not being from Delenn's POV at all. Big, gigantic fail. So don't feel bad.

Muse!Delenn is kind of a biotch I guess. She doesn't like to be bothered. :P
xphilehb: B5 - JD Headsxphilehb on September 3rd, 2010 04:17 am (UTC)
After I finish the next stupid fucking chapter of Metamorphoses, which I am painfully working on single words at a time. It's KILLING ME, SMALLS.

There is more to Metamorphoses?!! Well, that is the best news I have heard all day. Apparently I was not paying attention when I read it over at fanfiction.net and assumed it was complete as is. I LOVE THAT FIC!

Actually, I shared a link to the story with my BFF, and then we had an e-mail conversation about it. This is what she said: Okay, now that? That was awesome, and it's totally canon IMO. The conversation about eyebrows was AWESOME. (This was after discussing the tie-in novels, and how she thinks some of them are horrible and would rather go find good fanfiction to read.)
Shannon: b5 john smileskungfuwaynewho on September 3rd, 2010 11:44 am (UTC)
Hee, thank you! I kind of got sidetracked, yeah, but I was intending to write more. Although I'm having a tough time with it, and the previous chapter was a good stopping point, so I'm having these moments of "it's fine, it can just stop right there, grr."

I'm trying to remember which episode I was watching the commentary with, S5, I think, and Bruce was talking about Jerry's eyebrows and then was like, "And I don't even have any eyebrows." And the very next scene, the lighting and camera angle was such that he totally did look like he didn't have any eyebrows. OMG, I laaaaaaughed.

I think that was also the commentary where Bruce was talking about going up in a fighter jet or something, and how after that one had flown over the set and he'd gotten all excited and was all, look! They're doing what I just did! And Tracy Scoggins said, how can you tell they're throwing up from here?
xphilehbxphilehb on September 3rd, 2010 01:22 pm (UTC)
You know, I do not actually have the Babylon 5 dvds. The first time I watched it back in college, I recorded them on good ole VHS tapes from whatever channel happened to be showing it in reruns. The second time I watched it, my roommate had the dvds. And this time, I've just been watching it online. I have been contemplating whether or not I want to buty the dvds because they are still pretty expensive.

But now you have mentioned commentaries. I *love* commentaries. So I think I need to start watching for the complete series to be on sale.
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on September 3rd, 2010 03:57 pm (UTC)
I don't own the DVDs, either. I was watching them from the library. Although I've since downloaded most of the show - I'm still working on S5.

Yeah, Amazon had the whole series on sale for a hundred bucks literally two days before I hit the beginning of S3, watched ten episodes in one day, and was all OMFG THIS SHOW I MUST OWN IT and checked online. I was not a happy camper.
Anne Marieindigoviolet on September 3rd, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
You officially write the world's most hilarious porn. :D I can just see Delenn solemnly watching the adult channel, making notes. And maybe diagrams. And from now on, everyone I see in public with their laptop, I will wonder 'are they writing porn'?

...pumpkin spice latte?? That sounds absolutely disgusting.

(Says the girl from the country where they fry mashed-up Sunday dinner leftovers then put ketchup on it)
Anne Marieindigoviolet on September 3rd, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
Oh, and since you're writing about MARRIED fictional TV characters having sex, I'm sure Him Upstairs (who I don't believe in either) is k with that.

Edited at 2010-09-04 12:34 am (UTC)
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on September 4th, 2010 01:03 am (UTC)
Hee, thanks! I find I am just endlessly in love with imagining early S2 Delenn, with her new human body and hormones and the sexy new Captain all being cute with her. I sincerely hope she did some research, heh.

Well, I imagine if you don't like the taste of pumpkin you wouldn't like that drink; it's one of the only ones I'll spend the money on, because I can't recreate it at home. Very autumnal and warm.

Blarf, ketchup.
Anne Marieindigoviolet on September 4th, 2010 01:35 am (UTC)
Uhh, I don't mind pumpkin, but pumpkin and coffee? That is one unholy union.

Come on, seriously. Does it actually have pumpkin in it?

Edited at 2010-09-04 01:37 am (UTC)
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on September 4th, 2010 01:42 am (UTC)
Nah, it's just their flavored syrup. I just taste pumpkin and spices and warm milk; I don't know if there's actually any coffee in it at all. There might be, as a base, but I don't taste it.

I totally prefer girly flavored coffee-esque drinks to actual coffee, though, so I might not be the best reference, heh. Well, I prefer tea to girly flavored coffee-esque drinks, too, so.
enigmaticblues: delenn thinkingenigmaticblues on September 5th, 2010 01:59 pm (UTC)
LOL! I can picture this conversation taking place. I have a feeling that those two have some very interesting chats, and that Delenn wins most of the time. *g*
Shannon: b5 commandkungfuwaynewho on September 5th, 2010 09:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I can't imagine Delenn having any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise, where she didn't win most, if not all, of the time. She is all-powerful.