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05 November 2010 @ 08:12 pm
NaScreeWriMo - Day Five  
Wrote like a boss today.


Mira enters, hiding her nerves as best she can. Hair clean and simply plaited, she wears an exquisite DRESS - expensive fabric, jewels sewn into the skirt. She is stunning - she looks as though she were born to be a queen.

The men at the table stand - Janos, Miklos, and Bathory, who has a gleam in his eye. Mira only looks at Miklos.

What are you doing here?

I had hoped to have dinner
with my daughter.

And we had to journey clear up to the
castle to do that? Five years
we live no more than a
mile from each other, and you never
come to visit me.

Please, sit down, Mira.

Kiraly Mira. My husband is
Kiraly Samuel.
My Lord.
The Count just smiles, very gracious.
Kiraly Mira, please, sit down.
She sits, at the other end of the table from Bathory. She does not shy away from his steady gaze.

It is good to see you in something
so becoming, dear.
Mira ignores him, instead glancing at Father Janos, who stares stonily at the table in front of him.

Four servers enter bearing SILVER COVERED DISHES. Dark, downcast eyes - the same affect as the maid. They place the dishes in front of those seated, remove the covers, and melt away.

Mira looks down at a plate of succulent, thinly sliced meat, roast vegetables, a delicate sauce. Mouthwatering. She swallows hard.

Mira clasps her hands, bows her head to pray, only to see Janos start shoveling the food into his mouth.

So she takes a bite, chews slowly. Savors it - bliss.

It is good?
Mira nods, a slight, polite smile. Another bite, careful not to eat too quickly.

Watching the three men watch her. They all take a drink at the same time - RED WINE. Mira glances to her right - wine of her own. She sips the water at her left.

You do not eat this well at home.

To eat more simply is not to
eat more poorly, my Lord.

Will you not try the wine? The grapes
are grown on the side of this very mountain.
Mira would rather not, but she takes a tiny sip. The liquid seems a bit too thick.

Miklos smiles at her, blood from the meat dripping down his chin.

I have been telling the Count how smart you are.
(to Bathory)
She even knows how to read.

An impressive feat for a woman.
Mira puts a hand to her chest. A shaky breath.

Is everything all right, my child?

It is very warm.
She looks around. The candle sconce on the wall catches her eye. The FLAMES are TOO TALL.

Aren’t you wondering why I’ve asked
you here tonight?

It is not my place to question my Lord.
Mira can’t stop looking at the candles. Her eyes start to glaze over. Bathory laughs - he seems so warm, so charming.

I saw that you have a child. A son?

Dominik, my Lord.

He is healthy?

Yes, my Lord. He is a big, strong boy.
The too-tall flames are so very bright. She stares and stares.

My wife has been unable to give
me a son.

I am sorry, my Lord.
Janos takes a drink of his wine. He CLANKS his glass against his plate. Mira BLINKS, eyes back to the table.

Does Bathory turn a dark eye the priest’s way? But no, he is still smiling at Mira, still the perfect host.

Do not make the same mistake
twice, Mira.
Mira looks to Miklos, then to Bathory. Realization.

I am married.

To a shoemaker! You have nothing,
Mira. The Count will give you everything!

You have already disowned me once. You
cannot threaten to do so again.

Listen to me--

I do not belong to you, to trade away
for money or favor.

Please understand. I must have an heir.

There are many unmarried maidens in the
village, my Lord. I suggest you choose
from one of them.
She stands.

I would like to see my son.
Bathory bows his head, gestures. Mira looks behind her to see one of the servers, waiting at the door.


Mira follows the manservant. She watches his feet - frowns.

She stops - the manservant continues a few paces. His footsteps make no sound.

He slows to a dreamy stop, turns only his head to look back at her. His face is completely blank, expressionless.

Mira follows.


The manservant holds the door open for Mira. She enters, hurrying to the middle of the room.

The door CLICKS SHUT behind her.

She looks around. Four poster bed, vanity with mirror and chair, wardrobe. The room is only lit by the moonlight coming in through the windows.

She walks all around, even though it is clear the room is empty. Mira goes to the door.


Mira stares at it. Fear giving way to panic.


Similar to Mira’s guest room, but disordered, slovenly.

Dominik sits on the floor, sobbing.

Mama! Mama!
Ilka paces around him, wringing her hands.

Stop crying! Be quiet!
She opens the door, shouts down the hallway.

Someone come take this wretched child!
No answer - the echo of her voice dies away. She tries to pick Dominik up - he goes limp, finally slithers out of her thin arms to flop back down on the floor.

He SHRIEKS, the terrifying cry of a child - you’re afraid he won’t be able to draw in another breath. His little face is bright red.

Ilka collapses beside him. Tired, frustrated, she starts crying herself.

Please stop crying. Please.

Mira POUNDS on the door. The panic has fully set in.

Let me out! Open this door and let me out!
She grabs the handle, jerks it back and forth. No good.

Mira looks around the room wildly. Goes to a WINDOW. A moment to study, and then she opens it. Leans her head out to look.

No balcony or ledge - just perfectly flat stone flush with one another from top to bottom. And the bottom is a long ways down - several hundred feet to the base of the castle. This side is at the edge of a CLIFF.

Dizzy, Mira stumbles back. Spins in a slow circle. She is TRAPPED.


Cold, dim light - an overcast day. Ilka wakes, bleary-eyed, on the floor, amidst a pile of wrinkled dresses.

The first thing she sees is DOMINIK’S FACE, right over hers, staring curiously.

Can we eat now?
Ilka sits up - a crick in her neck.

We will fast until sundown.

You’re not fast. You’re slow.
I want a egg.

There are no eggs in the castle.


We will have only bread and water.


To remain pure.


You shouldn’t ask so many questions!

She GROANS, buries her face in her hands. Dominik touches her hair.

It’s pretty.

(looks up)
He puts his arms around her neck, rests his cheek against hers.

I want Mama.
Ilka doesn’t quite know what to do. She puts a hand on his back. One quick sniff of his hair.

Your mama is occupied. Perhaps...we
could spend some time together?

Can we play a game?

cath822cath822 on November 6th, 2010 04:26 am (UTC)
Congrats on writing so much! Sorry I haven't been keeping up. I promise that when you finish a first draft, I'll take a look. It's just...y'know, more reading. But at least yours is in English. :)
Shannon: drh brand newkungfuwaynewho on November 6th, 2010 02:25 pm (UTC)
Please do not apologize for not reading. I would smack you if you were reading. You already have SO MUCH TO READ.

Heeeee, so the other day when you commented here, I was like, didn't I make some "im'ma eat ur babbies!!1" icons? And I trawled through my photobucket and indeed, I still have them. What was that icon meme even based on?!
cath822cath822 on November 6th, 2010 04:36 pm (UTC)
Ha! Actually, that was one of the few icons that I made; you must have saved it. It was based on the fact that children were scared of the Old Country Buffet bee, but I'm not actually sure where the phrase came from.
Shannon: bicycle dadkungfuwaynewho on November 6th, 2010 06:22 pm (UTC)
I knew you'd made that one with the OCB bee - I just remembered that I had some, too, and couldn't believe I still had them saved. That was at least eight years ago!

(I like how I always start typing "hang on" when I'm going to pause in the middle of a comment to find something - because you're going to somehow know I'm pausing? IDK.)

Here they are!

Wow. I still love that phase where I used pixel fonts but like three times larger than you're supposed to so the text is just awful. Although it's not like the rest of the icon looks good, heh.
nhpw: truefacenhpw on November 6th, 2010 01:29 pm (UTC)
Hmmmm... more puzzle pieces. I figured Dominik was important to whatever is going on, but I don't know what was going on at dinner - I get the impression Janos saved her from something, yes? Maybe?

That kid is adorable, though. :)
Shannon: spikekungfuwaynewho on November 6th, 2010 02:29 pm (UTC)
One of my professors told me to not write little kids because they're a pain to film with, but I love writing little kids!

Hopefully what was going on at dinner will eventually become clear. Non spoilery version, she was being hypnotized or charmed, the way vampires do. Now when you say you didn't know what was going on, do you mean that in the "I haven't put the pieces together yet" sense, or the "I couldn't follow that scene" sense? First - okay. Second? Not okay, and I need to know that.

Also, ♥s for reading and commenting. You don't have to, you know.
nhpwnhpw on November 6th, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)
Non spoilery version, she was being hypnotized or charmed, the way vampires do

That's what I thought. And Janos was clumsy accidentally-on purpose to break the trance.

What I didn't understand was why her father and Janos were there. Why would a man of God have dinner with the bad guy? But I think it's more of a "I don't have all the pieces yet" kind of scenario. Actually, it makes me want to know more about Janos, because I feel like his presence means there's something about the character that makes him Not Just a Priest. You know?

When I say I don't understand, it's more of a "I need more information that I fully expect will be revealed in the course of the story and make me go 'a ha!'" kind of feeling. Does that make sense?
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on November 6th, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)
No, it does make sense, thank you. It's always a fine line in writing that kind of thing; you don't want to be so obscure that the reader has no idea what's going on, but not too blatant or the reader will figure things out ahead of time.

I haven't written any pages yet today, and I still haven't done my BTR post (or watched the episode, even). I better get crackin'.
Holly: The president approveshollywobbles on November 6th, 2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
Things seem to be making just the right amount of not-sense over here, fyi. ;)
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on November 7th, 2010 12:08 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks.

Um, I thought I was pretty knowledgeable about every microsecond of Roslin, but when did she do the double thumbs up?!
Holly: The Queenhollywobbles on November 7th, 2010 12:09 am (UTC)
Y'know, I don't have a damn clue. Maybe it's an outtake?
Holly: Kara Pwndhollywobbles on November 7th, 2010 12:11 am (UTC)
NOPE, wait... after closer inspection, I'm pretty sure it's photoshopped.
Shannon: bsg you slay me gaiuskungfuwaynewho on November 7th, 2010 12:12 am (UTC)
Hee! It totally is! That's from when she was bluffing that she was going to toss Baltar out the airlock, right?

It's not badly done, all things considered.
Holly: Kara bwr flygirlhollywobbles on November 7th, 2010 12:14 am (UTC)
Really, quite not bad!