I feel like Frankenstein. - this machine will not communicate

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27 January 2011 @ 10:11 am

I feel like Frankenstein.

Last year, I had to cancel my gym membership because I couldn't afford it anymore. It was okay during the summer and fall, because I could get outside and walk. But ever since winter set in, I've been feeling pretty sedentary. So yesterday I checked out a workout DVD from the library, and decided I would just start doing what I could inside.

Except I only made it through about the first fifteen minutes, because I can't figure out how to do it. And this is always my problem with workout DVDs, and every time I try again I'm like, "maybe this time I will magically have become more coordinated!" But I never do. The women on the screen look so graceful and athletic, and I just feel like my arms and legs don't know how to work at the same time. By the time I manage to actually work out how the move is supposed to go, the perky chipper little thing running the video has already moved on. And I know, I know, you have to practice and it might take a couple times before you get everything down. I still end up feeling like an absolute nitwit.

Does anyone have any workout video recs that don't require you to be graceful or coordinated? Because I think I'm just going to start making super upbeat playlists and dancing around like a coked-out Elaine from Seinfeld.

Tags: i'm a lame-o, real life

28 comments | Leave a comment

28 comments —

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )

enigmaticblues on January 27th, 2011 04:18 pm (UTC)

Check out Leslie Sandsone's "Walk Away the Pounds." It requires 0 coordination, which is good, because I have two left feet, and I can do her workouts no problem. You don't even really need to know left from right.

One caveat: Leslie is super-chipper, which sometimes grates on me, but she does give a good workout.

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xphilehb on January 27th, 2011 04:35 pm (UTC)

Yes, Leslie does grate on the nerves, but those are a good, relatively easy workout. I can now hear Leslie in my head, "What time is it, folks? *laughs* Well, I don't know what time it is where you are, but it's cool-down time here."

Edited at 2011-01-27 04:35 pm (UTC)

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)

I'll check it out!

Eh, I think they're all chipper. This one just really got to me because, like, as she was pirouetting in the air after jumping up from doing a backwards lunge she was all, "You can do it yay!" No. No, I cannot.

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nhpw on January 27th, 2011 05:45 pm (UTC)

Because I think I'm just going to start making super upbeat playlists and dancing around like a coked-out Elaine from Seinfeld.

There is no shame in this. :)

Once upon a time I used to be coordinated. I danced! Yay! Then my knees went to shit and I got a sedentary job and... last fall I took yoga and it was like my body forgot how to be coordinated, and now I feel very much like you. But if I sit down I can put my feet up behind my head, so that's sort of a plus.

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:06 pm (UTC)

Even way back in the day when I ran track, I was never coordinated. Yesterday at work I was walking through the office and just like ran right into a brick wall because I can't, like, remember where my body ends and the rest of the world begins.

But if I sit down I can put my feet up behind my head, so that's sort of a plus.

Haha, maybe I should do yoga. I just pushed my chair back to see how high I could get my feet, and it did not go well.

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 06:26 pm (UTC)

I vote "dance around like coked-out Elaine" actually.

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 07:58 pm (UTC)

I ammend my answer. Go to goodwill and find yourself some leg warmers and an old Jane Fonda "Buns of Steel" VHS. Then dance around like a coked-out Elaine... in style.

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:07 pm (UTC)

I am going to kill you for real.

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 09:14 pm (UTC)

What? Whaaaa-aaat? [polishes halo]

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 09:23 pm (UTC)

I can have it all, now I'm dancin' for my liiiiife.....

Edited at 2011-01-27 09:23 pm (UTC)

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:25 pm (UTC)

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:45 pm (UTC)

So you think you can distract me with Mary being all adorable and gorgeous and dancing!? Well, I'll...um...

It worked. :D

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 09:52 pm (UTC)

Good, because my gif arsenal was running very low.

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:57 pm (UTC)

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 10:15 pm (UTC)

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 10:22 pm (UTC)

Edited at 2011-01-27 10:30 pm (UTC)

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 11:05 pm (UTC)

(Yes, I have two Picard clapping gifs. What of it.)

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hollywobbles on January 27th, 2011 11:21 pm (UTC)

Hey, I like clapping gifs!

I feel like Picard deserves something better for having put on his spangly dress uniform this time around, though.

Y'know, not that I don't love Bill, obviously, but Picard and Roslin would've made a pretty awesome couple. There's probably some crossover fic somewhere.

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icepixie on January 27th, 2011 07:22 pm (UTC)

I have this thing, which is great for using in front of the TV or when reading a book. (Exercise's chief deterrent for me is that I get boooooored if I can't occupy my mind in some way.) It's not the most aerobic thing ever, but it's something for when it's too cold to go outside.

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:08 pm (UTC)

That's so cute! This weekend, I did actually clean the room my computer's in (read: I boxed up all my random piles of books) so that I could drag my exercise bike out in front of my computer. So I did that today when I watched my Hulu shows; better than nothing, I guess. (Well, I biked, and then I just jogged in place and felt vaguely idiotic.)

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naushika on January 27th, 2011 07:35 pm (UTC)

I've never done any workout dvds... well, actually, that's a lie. I did some tae bo like 10 years ago (when it was super popular) via vhs, lol. I was in high school and it seemed pretty easy to follow along back then, and I'm a clumsy person too. So maybe some tae bo?

However, I think coked-out Elaine's probably your best bet. Don't forget: LITTLE KICKS!

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:10 pm (UTC)

I totally have old tae bo VHS tapes! I think they're my sister's, actually. I'm sure punching one way while kicking the other would present the same problems, though. But maybe I'll dig them out and try it.

I'm totally going to do coked-out Elaine tomorrow, though. It'll probably be awesome.

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kungfuwaynewho on January 27th, 2011 09:59 pm (UTC)

I totally could have gone for a walk today - it got up to 45 - but I'd already done my bike and showered before I figured that out. Saturday, maybe! (It's probably going to be below freezing and snowing by then.)

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(Anonymous) on January 28th, 2011 02:47 am (UTC)

OMG, I tried doing Hip Hop Abs, and it's so hilarious. The guy is totally flaming, and he's like, "GIRL! We gonna get you looking cute in yo' jeeeeans!" It's amazing. Good workout, though.

GIF wars make Catherine happy.

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cath822 on January 28th, 2011 04:07 pm (UTC)

Aha, I didn't log in. Seriously, though, that GIF war is magical.

In all seriousness, most of the workout DVDs I've tried/seen have a pretty complicated routine. I even tried Jane Fonda's VHS tape in college and got shin splints from jumping too much. Hip Hop Abs wasn't too bad once I figured out the moves and stopped giggling at Shaun T (seriously, at one point, he yells "HAAAAAAY! This is my SONG!"), but it's still pretty dance-y. I've heard Wii Fit/Active is pretty great, but of course, it's madly expensive.

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kungfuwaynewho on January 28th, 2011 04:25 pm (UTC)

I have the Wii Active, which I like, though I do get bored just doing it with the program. I wanted to find a straight-forward routine I could just memorize so I could do it while I watched TV.

JSYK, I laughed so hard at that quote from your first comment last night that I think I actually did an ab workout. I'm totally going to see if the library has that one.

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