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31 March 2011 @ 07:55 am
Untitled Stupid Vampire Screenplay Draft Two - Day Twenty  

Mira and Bathory walk. She struggles to conceal her fear and revulsion.

I’m used to having everything as I wish. And I have
quite a temper. Neither of these things
are an excuse for my treatment of you.
You’re right - I don’t know what it takes
to raise a family, to work and work just to
survive. That’s why I need you.

My Lord?

I don’t need a princess - I need a villager!
Strong, hearty, already proven able to bear a healthy son.

Ilka is your wife--

And she’s given me three dead sons! I had
hoped, after our daughter was born, Ilka would be strong enough...
(off Mira’s look)
I know you’ve met Erzsebet. A dear child, but not a son.
Bathory stops beneath the painting of Hados. Stares at it.

I want an heir. You will be the mother of my heir. Everything
within these lands is mine - you are mine, Mira.
There is no point in arguing or fighting. Your old
life is gone. This is your life. I will make you
happy. I’ll give you anything you want.

I want my husband and my son.

(turns to her)
Remember, I’m used to having everything
as I wish, and I have a temper. Quite a temper.
He leaves her. Mira stares at the painting, blank.


Dominik sits on the mattress, watches Ilka flutter about.

Are you warm enough? I’ll send Ana to find more
blankets. Ana! Take that dress to the girl
in the chapel - she won’t come out. Ana? Ana!

Beta won’t know I’m here.

(stops, turns)

We play at night, while I’m dreaming.

Beta is not your friend. She’s a bad little girl.

Mama let me play with her. I want Mama!

Hush! Or you will sleep on the floor!
Dominik scowls, but hushes. Ilka goes to one of her stacks of books, pulls out one. Looks around furtively, opens it. A BUNDLE OF HERBS tucked between the pages. Ilka sets the bundle on the window sill.

There’s a girl here.
Ilka spins, afraid. Sees ANA standing in the doorway.

Where have you been? Take this dress to the chapel.
Ana just stands there. Face BLANK.

I know you heard me. Do what I say.
No response from Ana. She doesn’t even blink. Ilka realizes what has happened. She CROSSES HERSELF.

Get out. Get out! In the name of
Christ I command you to leave this place!
Ana glides forward, PICKS UP Dominik. He kicks and fights - Ilka grabs Ana’s arms, hits her. But Ana is too strong, doesn’t register the blows.

No! Don’t take him!
Ana walks out. The door SLAMS SHUT on its own behind her, trapping Ilka inside. Ilka SCREAMS.


Mira lies curled up on top of the bed covers. Weak, tired sobs - she’s been crying a long time. A CLICK.

She sits up, looks. The window is open. Mira gets up, walks past the roaring fire, closes it. She turns.

Erzsebet stands by the bed. The fireplace is cold and dark. Erzsebet holds out a hand.

Mira goes to her - they climb into bed. Erzsebet rests her head on Mira’s shoulder, her arm around Mira’s waist. They hold each other.


Skittering noises in the walls. Too many shadows. Dominik sits on a little sofa. Sniffling, face damp. Staring all around the room.
Bathory materializes out of the shadows. Sits next to Dominik. Smiles warmly.

What a handsome young man. I hear you’re friends with my daughter.
Dominik can’t look away.

Why don’t we make you a more...agreeable companion for her.
Bathory holds up a slender DAGGER. Pokes the end of his own finger. BLOOD wells up. He brings his finger up to Dominik’s mouth.

No! No!
Bathory forces his finger into the boy’s mouth, smiling at his distress. Dominik spits, wipes his mouth. Too late.

And now, your turn.
Bathory unbuttons Dominik’s shirt. FANGS extend. One last button, exposing the boy’s throat - and Mira’s AMULET hanging around his neck.
Bathory HISSES, draws back. A FLASH of something where his face is - but it’s gone before it can be discerned.

Take it off.

Mama gave it to me.

Take it off!
Dominik cringes, then slides off the sofa and runs away. Cowers in the corner.

No! You can’t make me! Mama gave it to me!
Dominik raises his hand, makes the sign of the horns, and SPITS. Beat. Bathory LAUGHS.

You’ve nothing of your father in you -
her blood flows through your veins.
nhpwnhpw on April 1st, 2011 12:54 am (UTC)
I definitely like that there's more of an overall sense of creepiness (eeriness? both?) in this draft. I'm, um, confused about the last line? I like it, and it's creepy and really well written, but I guess I don't understand what he's talking about. Unless he's implying that when he visited Samuel, he turned into a sniveling coward instantly and did everything Bathory said, while Mira has been a disobeying PITA, as Dominik is now being? I'm just taking for granted that this will probably become clear in upcoming pages and staying along for the ride. :)
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on April 4th, 2011 02:31 am (UTC)
Lol, thank you for pointing that out. I thought it was crystal clear - and yeah, it's basically what you said here - but now I'm like, huh. I don't know how to fix that! I added "Bathory laughs, appreciative," but IDK beyond that.

Will cogitate upon it.
singer_shapersinger_shaper on April 1st, 2011 10:28 pm (UTC)
Echoing nhpw regarding the ambiguity of the last line. Having said that, I very much like the developed exchanges between Mira and Bathory.
Shannonkungfuwaynewho on April 4th, 2011 02:32 am (UTC)
Thanks - one of my macro goals was to make Bathory an actual character, which meant giving him conversations instead of him just stomping around being a scary douche.